So you’ve been chatting to a girl for a few days now and it’s going well – nice work! You’ve finally plucked up the courage to ask her out on a date… she says “yes!” What now?! If you haven’t thought that far ahead, then our Guide to the First Date Venue is here to help.

Golden Rule

Remember – getting dropped off at the cinema by your parents was fine for those girls in high school, but you’re a little too old for that now. Don’t pick somewhere busy or where you can’t actually talk for two hours because that’s just awkward – go for friendly and intimate. Laser Quest is more of a second date thing.

Let’s consider the options:

Meal

 

Going out for a meal can be fraught with danger, so make sure you really give it some thought. Try to find out what kind of food she likes – or doesn’t like! You don’t want to be whisking her off to the cute Thai restaurant in town if she’s a chicken ‘n’ chips kind of gal!  Similarly, you might want to avoid the local curry house if she’s averse to spicy food. Maybe play it safe with a lovely little Italian (hella romantic) or head out of town to the quaint little gastro pub by the canal. Also, consider any post-meal shenanigans before munching down on a three-course feast… remember the rules… never swim on a full stomach ;)

 

Drinks

Meeting for drinks might seem like the boring option, but that’s where you can really give the venue some thought. There are a wide variety of bars and pubs to choose from, so maybe steer clear of the local Whetherspoon – unless there’s a game on, of course! If the weather is a little cooler, then nothing beats a cosy country pub with a roaring fire, hot chocolate and big comfy chairs. For those brief summer months, find yourself a snazzy bar with outside seating and enjoy cocktails and nibbles in the glorious sunshine.

Sports & Activities

 

Wow, you’re feeling brave! You’ve decided that the usual first date routines are too mainstream and instead, you’re feeling adventurous. Maybe it’s not quite time to introduce the potential ‘Mrs. Right’ to your Dungeons & Dragons club just yet, but a nice walk (or bike ride) in the park will give you plenty of time to talk.

 

Alternatively, you could pop down to the local crazy golf course, tennis courts or ten-pin bowling alley for some fun and friendly competition – just make sure you let her win! If there’s a local lake or river, boat rides are a definite first-date winner. We’re also a big fan of museums, art galleries and local music so check out what’s in your area and don’t be afraid to suggest something different. Just make sure you let her know in advance as it’s probably not too fun walking around for hours in 6-inch heels!

Don’t forget! Keep it convenient, fun and not too flashy – it’s all about originality and thoughtfulness… you stud.

Got Something in Mind?

 

Reward yourself with a beer! You’ve made your decision and you’re now nervously counting down the days. For help on choosing an outfit, check out our Pinterest board for some style tips. For a guide on how to behave, look at our Gentleman’sGuide to the First Date and you’ll be fine! Just stay calm and be yourself… and if you can’t do that, be Ryan Gosling.

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dating tips

15:28

Being the hopeless romantics that we are, we’re falling in love this autumn, donning our woollen hats, big fluffy jumpers and boots ready to step out into the season that couldn’t be more perfect to stroll hand in hand whilst kicking up leaves and warming not just our hands but our hearts with hot chocolate. Take a peek at our autumn date inspiration….

Let’s go ride a bike

Wrap up warm and take your bikes for a ride, it doesn’t cost a penny and can be very romantic.

As the leaves turn from green to shades of gold and red making the scenery all the more dramatic and the heather moorlands and woodlands turn to their autumn hues get on your bike. The roads give way to quieter trails and cooler weather so it’s the perfect excuse for a regular cuddle stop!

Pack a picnic

Pack a blanket big enough for two and add a touch of romance with napkins and glasses. Stock up at the local shop for supplies or try your cookery skills with some pumpkin tarts to really impress from our Autumn Dates board.

Punting

 If you want to try something new or perhaps go a little further then why not visit Cambridge - cheaper than Venice but with all the romance. Let yourself and your date be carried away down the River Cam, then you can head into town down quaint cobbled streets – just don’t rock the boat.

A walk anyone?

It’s as simple as it sounds – just boots and gloves required. The scenery is beautiful in autumn and places you strolled through in summer will look completely different this time of year, why not re-visit somewhere you enjoyed just months ago – reminiscing already? Complete your date with a hot chocolate to warm your hands, and your heart!

Free Cultural

Yes free, and when coupled with this wonderful country of ours it’s a match made in heaven! Most museums and art galleries are free to the public so why not show your cultural, deeper and artistic side? Spend the day looking around these spaces and talking about what you find.

Stay home

Light a fire to set the scene - or if you’re like us turn the heating up a notch and enjoy a few home pleasures. Invite your date around to your place and cook up something nice like pumpkin soup or wicked autumn apple sangria! All recipes can be found on our Autumn Dates board.

Visit a Brewery

Beer and fall just seem to go hand in hand. Visit a local brewery and sample some different types of beer – you’ll find all the information you need on the internet. Going to a brewery makes a great alternative to wine tasting and gives you the chance to try some new flavours! It’s usually free for a tasting session too and should want to continue your tasting session on at home we’re sure they’ll be a chance to buy.

Drive In

Old school romance in abundance! Check the internet to find out where and when the next ‘Drive In’ movie is showing near you – they’re becoming very popular. Autumn has to be the best time to go to the drive in since it’s not too cold just yet, but we recommend you pack a blanket anyway. Don’t forget to bring snacks and faux fizz too!

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12:30

One of the reasons why relationships sometimes don’t work out is because we don’t love ourselves enough. Its sounds fluffy, but stay with me…

A lot of us sometimes struggle to see our own self-worth (we’ve all had those critical thoughts!), and so sub-consciously think that we don’t deserve to be loved by anyone else. Roll on insecurities, jealousy and all those other little voices that do their very best to mess things up. For this reason, it is so important that you give yourself enough TLC before you jump head first into a relationship - making sure that you are happy within yourself.

Author, Kim McMillen wrote a book inspired by the years she lived with ‘a guarded heart,’ writing ‘I did not know how to extend love and compassion to myself.’ This book should be read by everyone – it’ll make you think, laugh, cry and love.

It’s basically a compilation of the steps she took that led her to view the world through different eyes, and be completely happy in her own-self.

Some examples…

“When I loved myself enough I quit settling for too little.”

“When I loved myself enough I forgave myself for all the times I thought I wasn’t good enough”

“When I loved myself enough I bought a feather bed!”

And our favourite...

You can buy the book here >>

And when you are ready – well we know just the place where you can find a date.

Flirtify – Let’s Get Together

08:42

In the current economic climate, the thought of splitting the rent, getting out of your shared house and setting up home with your partner, is the dream. But to put a dampener on the situation, these days 1 in 2 marriages fail, so we should be super careful about rushing into things. In other words, it needs to be a considered decision, not just a ‘fancy moving in?’, ‘YES!!’ conversation on a drunken Friday night.

Rent.com surveyed 1000 cohabiters and asked them when they think the ideal time is:

As you can see, the majority said 6 months – 1 year, which sounds sensible. Within that time presumably you would have had a holiday (1 week of 24/7 contact with your significant other), and if that didn’t put you off then, excellent! Also, you’re past that honeymoon stage so you’ll know all of their habits, both good and bad.

Any longer than a year and there’s a chance that you might have developed a ‘relationship routine,’ making it a little more difficult to adjust to change. 18% went for After Marriage, how traditional! The benefit of this option is that you can basically get all of your household goods from the wedding party. Or, you might move in and discover that living under the same roof without throwing hard objects at each other is near impossible. Let’s hope the wedding party kept their receipts.

Of course, stats are just stats and it’s entirely up to you as to what you think is right. But before you do make the move, ask yourselves these questions:

Are you moving in for convenience?

If so, don’t. You shouldn’t HAVE to move in, it should be about what is right for your relationship, not what is right for your bank account.

Do you REALLY see a long term future?

Breaking up is hard enough without getting a house involved. When you’re moving in, you’re not just committing to your partner, you’re committing to brick and mortar (and sadly, you can’t have ‘space’ from your rent!)

Do you want to wake up every morning with them, cuddle up on the sofa and talk about your day, and come home every day to the person you love?

If the answer is yes – then woohoo! Looks like you’ve found yourself a new housemate.

Flirtify - Let's Get Together

dating advice

10:03

Things were so uncomplicated back in primary school; our erasers dictated our decisions, we played MASH to predict our future, and if we were in love with a fellow classmate we’d just get our best friend to ask them out for us. Easy. But these rules disappeared as soon as we hit adulthood and now the question of ‘when are you official?’ is so bloody complicated.

This is partly due to the many different kinds of relationship you can have; friends with benefits, dating, the slightly more serious ‘seeing each other’, and of course the ‘Facebook official’ relationship. Each status comes with its own awkward but necessary conversations to establish intentions and rules. But when you think you’re ready to take that step into exclusivity how do you broach the subject?

Let Nature Take Control

In some cases, the conversation doesn’t have to happen. You’re so instinctively on the same page that your relationship just naturally evolves. This is the ideal; no risk in rejection or awkwardness, and obviously it means that you both feel the same way about each other – which is a good position to be in!

Be Blunt

Just do it. Sit down and have the conversation like the grown up that you are. Talk about where you want the relationship to go and ask your date if they would like the same things. Ok, it’s not easy, but it is the simplest and most direct way.

Be Romantic

Too scared for the face to face? Be romantic and do it with flowers and a card. Super cheesy (but also incredibly sweet). Or do it with a marching band a la 10 Things I Hate About You…

….Get a Friend to Do It

Why not? It worked well in year 5 and if the answer was a no at least we could use the classic, ‘It was a joke’….

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12:00

It’s August. We should still be enjoying daily BBQ’s, ciders and sunshine but oh no, the Great British Weather has other plans – mainly torrential rain. But all is not lost, you can still have a romantic date enjoying the great outdoors, you just need to get a little creative. Here is our excellent alternative to the dinner date, (more excellent if it is a surprise for said ‘date’).

The Stages…

'Den' Up Your Car

Remember when you were a kid and would make the most awe-inspiring dens out of a bed sheet, a blanket and a table? That’s the sort of creativity we’re looking for here. Put the back seats down, lots of cushions, blankets (and a mattress if your car permits!). Admittedly, so far it sounds like a pretty seedy date, but stay with us…

Pack a Hamper

M & S it, why not! Picnic treats, a bottle of elderflower, go old school romance. Don’t forget the nice touches like wine glasses, napkins etc. etc.

Think about the Entertainment

 Hmm not that sort of entertainment. We’re talking a music playlist, a pack of cards, MAYBE scrabble – go crazy.

Head to the Countryside

Pick up your date and head to the countryside. It’s the view that makes this date a special one (otherwise you are just sat in the back of a car eating sandwiches), so park up somewhere nice. Just you, your date and beautiful surroundings.

The best part is…if it’s pouring it down, you can just shut the boot!

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dating advice

06:17

We’ve all been there. We know how awful break-ups are and we tend to fall into two camps when dealing with them....

1) Hibernation – Some of us sit in our onesies, eating ice-cream and watching friends episodes until we feel ready to face the outside world again. Talking to anyone (including friends and family), just reminds us that there are happy and loved up people in the world and we will never be one of them. Cue thoughts of, ‘I’ll be alone forever with just my cats to keep me company).

2) Constant Company – ah this is awful to say, but sometimes when our friends are going through break-ups they require constant care and attention. Obviously, we’re there for them and always will be, but 2.00am phone calls 3 months after the break-up can soon become a little….testing.

So What Can We Do?

Well, firstly find out which camp your friend falls into. It’ll be obvious; those who've been M.I.A are number 1, and those crying into your duvet cover are probably a firm number 2.

The Missing Friend

Rescue them immediately. A day by their own is fine, they need some space. If there’s no word for more than 2, get yourselves over to their den of tissues and tears quickly. Take a bottle of wine and your most sympathetic ears – they need someone they can open up too. Give them all of your time; friendships are a two way thing, but for this evening your friend doesn’t need to hear about how wonderful your life is. Let them talk/cry/be silent, whatever it is, just make sure you’re there with them.

The Needy Friend

Sorry kids, you just have to put up with those late night drunken calls, and sad faces that no amount of witty jokes will get rid of. It takes time to recover from a break-up, and in this time of need it’s our friends we go to.

What you CAN do is read our 'How to Get Over a Breakup' post and get a few ideas on how to speed up the recovery process…

What Not to Do

We’d advise against the whole, ‘you were too good for them anyway,’ ‘they don’t deserve you,’ etc. This couple at one stage were fond of each – so phrases like the above won’t apply to, or be useful to, someone who is still deeply in love.

Instead concentrate on the future. They need to use that experience and that history to make themselves stronger. They need to be sad and then they need to move forward. Even though their partner has gone; their friends, their family and their lives are still intact. Bake them a cake, make them dinner, give them a framed photo! Anything to make them know that you still love them.

And most importantly, remind them that eventually things will get better.

 

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breaking up dating advice

12:59

Picture the scene, candlelit living room, a bottle of wine, chilled out background music, cuddled up on the sofa with your date, and a WHOLE load of cheese and bread. It’s just perfect, (apologies to any lactose intolerant readers out there!)

We love camembert, and we LOVE that it’s a sharing dish – which makes it perfect for a romantic night in. So we spent a little time searching the web for some of the best recipes out there.  Enjoy the read, we’re off to bake some cheese...

1) Jamie Oliver’s Beautiful baked camembert with nuttycranberry crumbles

2) Multiculti Kitchen’s Oven baked camembert with roasted figs (FYI the addition of sweet figs and honey makes this dish our firm favourite…)

 3) Martha Stewart’s Pears & Camembert

A little different to the others, this dish is served cold – we think it’ll make an ideal picnic food…

4) The Classic Camembert: with thyme, rosemary and honey

5) And finally, for a bit of spice (and a bit of booze) Camembertwith vermouth & chilli

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10:07

Guest Blogger: Katy Miller

Last weekend, my boyfriend and I visited the Pure LandMeditation Centre & Japanese Gardens. It had been recommended to us; the gardens are meant to be incredibly beautifully (as featured in ‘The Most Amazing Gardens to Visit in Britain – Readers Digest), and the atmosphere really serene.

And it really was. As soon as you step into the gardens you would not believe that you were just on the outskirts of Nottingham. Perfectly placed are evergreens, maples, ponds and plants all surrounded by stepping stones, bridges, stone lanterns and other such lovely things! There’s even a crystal garden – we all had a few of the little gem stones you’d buy in alternative shops but this is just on a whole other level. A whole landscape made of these glittering stones!

Anyway, the visit got me thinking. As meditation and mindfulness become a more popular means of dealing with everyday stresses and anxiety, it would be interesting to know the effect it has on relationships…

What is Mindfulness?

Mindfulness is both a form of therapy used to treat people who suffer from anxiety AND a way of thinking that many people are now adopting to help lead a better life. Good old Google gives a good description:

“A mental state achieved by focusing one’s awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one’s feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations, used as a therapeutic technique.”

It’s basically a way of teaching you how to live in the present moment, and not have your judgements skewed by past experiences. They say that if you’re able to ‘observe’ your emotions as opposed to letting them rule your actions, making decisions and effectively dealing with your anger/sadness/frustration whatever it may be, will be less traumatic.

It’s pretty easy to learn about the techniques and easier to apply them to your daily routine. Just go into a bookshop, say ‘Mindfulness’ and they’ll know where to point you.

What does it mean for relationships?

Lisa Firestone, Author and Psychology Expert, wrote a fantastic article for Huffington Post ‘How Mindfulness Can Save YourRelationship.’ Don’t worry, it doesn’t read like a couples self-help guide, it’s more of a look at some of the benefits of this technique.

Firestone describes Mindfulness as ‘a means by which we can get to know our thoughts and stay connected to our feelings without falling victim to inappropriate, intense reactions based on unresolved issues from our past.’ Meaning that we won’t let our previous heartaches effect our judgement in our current relationships – allowing us to respond to frustrations in a constructive way. This would no doubt be a useful skill to have…

If we could each, individually manage our emotions in a healthier way (i.e. not throw our phones at a wall if he/she sends a particularly annoying text or cry hysterically when he replies to ‘how do I look’ with the indifferent ‘fine’), then how much better would that make our relationships?!

So get to that bookshop!

Flirtify, Let’s Get Together.

10:49

It's easy to focus on the nervous raptures you can get yourself into when you find yourself in the midst of the early dating game.

Picture this.
You really like the sound of someone and you're feeling super confident and sexy, (let's not forget you're a real catch!) so you've now got high hopes that you'll hit it off when you meet up for real.  *Dum dum derrrrrrrrr*

Then the negative voices in your head start screwing with your confidence playing the 'what if' game over and over again:

• What if he/she's a munter when you meet them
• What if he/she's a perv
• What if you bump into your ex mid date
• What if you run out of things to say and there's an awkward silence...
• OMG What if you let out a fart in front of them whilst laughing

The list is never ending if you keep listening to the voice. Trust us, we've been there before!

So let's not be one of those people for a change and 100% embrace the pre date butterflies instead! 

In a few years time after the honeymoon periods over of your now amazing relationship with that guy/girl you met online, you'll miss those butterfly moments. 

Get yourself a profile on  Flirtify - chat, flirt & arrange a date, then let the butterflies commence! 

13:08

A day at the seaside is just asking for romance, and when that seaside resort is Brighton there is A LOT of fun to be had. There are so many awesome places to visit, so we had a tough job whittling it down to just these 10…

1) Visit the Royal Pavilion

The Royal Pavilion, in the heart of Brighton’s city centre, is a must see. Described as ‘a monument to style, finesse, and technological excellence and above all pleasure,’ it’s the ultimate in extravagant decadence. A little wander around the palace will provide you and your date with ample conversation, making it a good venue for those nerve-wracking first dates.

And there is a gorgeous café, where tea is served in cast iron teapots and the cakes are pretty great too.

2) Wine & Dine at Plateau

After your educational trip to the Pavilion, head to Plateau for an evening of great wine and beautiful food! Plateau prides themselves on their wine list; all bottles are ‘natural wines’ which promote ethical farming, sustainability and quality. So you can feel good whilst you pop open that second bottle!

Their menu is designed around the idea of sharing, so it’s perfect for a romantic date. 

3) Catch some music at The Bees Mouth

The Bees Mouth is a lovely bar, with live music, film screenings and even life drawing classes. The atmosphere is relaxed and friendly, and they’ve got a lot of drinks on offer! If you’re on a date, we’d recommend heading there to catch some live music; at the time of writing this on Monday it’s Jazz, Wednesday it’s open mic, and Thursday’s are featured bands. But do check their FB page before you go!

4) Brighton Museum & Art Gallery

For a bit of culture and plenty of conversation topics, go to Brighton Museum & Art Gallery. The museum underwent a £10million redevelopment way back in 2001 so it’s pretty fancy now. And there’s loads to see; an Art Nouveau Decorative Art & Design gallery, a gallery dedicated to the history of Brighton, a Performance gallery exhibiting puppets, masks and instruments from all over the world….and a lot more. Well worth a visit.

5) Breakfast at the New Club
Describing itself as ‘an independent coffee house with a stylish NYC eatery’, The New Club is the perfect place for a breakfast date. It’s relaxing atmosphere, inventive (but delicious) food and excellent hospitality makes for a great experience. We’d recommend the Full classic breakfast (which, on a separate note, is VERY good for a hangover!)
They also serve dinner and cocktails, so if the date is going really well you’ve found an all-day venue!

6) Wander Around The Lanes

The Lanes are full of independent shops and boutiques, you could get lost for hours discovering beautiful things! It’s a maze of twisting alleyway, crammed with quaint shops and funky restaurants. So if you’re completely lost for something to do, just head to The Lanes. You’ll no doubt come out with bags full of trinkets, a belly full of beer and (hopefully) a heart full of romance (ahhh).

7) Reggae at Riki Tik

This Jamaican music bar is an amazing late night dancing spot. Playing Jamaican and Caribbean music, from Mento & Calypso to Ska, Roots and Dub, you and your date can escape to your own little paradise at Riki Tik.

8) Coffee at Rock Ola

We love this 50s & 60s themed coffee bar! The food and coffee is good, AND they have a jukebox. So if you love your music, then Rock Ola is an awesome place to take a date. They also have their own record shop, The Wax Factor, so once you’re done playing your favourite tracks you can go and buy them!

9) Brighton Pier

You can’t visit Brighton without going to the Pier! There’s restaurants, rides & attractions and arcades; that’s just hours of fun right there! It’s very ‘touristy’, but hey, winning your date a teddy from one of those grabby things is romantic. All the films say so.

10) Fish ‘n’ Chips on the Beach

Pack a blanket, a bottle of wine, fish ‘n’ chips and watch the sun go down from the sea front. Our favourite is Bardsley's, this award winning restaurant do a great fish ‘n’ chips!

Now you’re ready for your seaside trip, head on over to Flirtify and find a date to take with you!

brighton dating tips

07:02

Christian Rudder, one of the founders of OKCupid recently wrote a blog titled, ‘We Experiment on Human Beings!’ Revealing that OKCupid have been conducting experiments on its users to analyse online dating behaviour.

This brings up a whole load of questions; firstly, is it ok to experiment on people’s data without their permission, and secondly, is it right to mess around with potential love matches? Hmm. Christian Rudder, you appear to be standing on the wrong side of internet etiquette.

But he’s done it now, so we might as well use the information gained to our own benefit. Perhaps it might improve our own online dating experiences…

So what exactly did they do?

"Love is Blind"

On 15^th January 2013, OKCupid took down ALL profile images for their ‘Love is Blind Day.’ The results? Well, it turns out people are a little shallow. Overall, users responded to first messages 44% more often and contact details (email addresses, phone numbers etc.) were exchanged more quickly. When the images came back, 2,200 conversations ended abruptly. Pretty sad!

What does this mean for us?

It means we need to reassess our values. These people began conversations and enjoyed those conversations –there was obviously chemistry there based on personality, it was the photo that put them off. But is the photo really that important? Lots of people are not particularly photogenic, and so it might not be a decent representation of what they look like. And if your conversation flows, you might just have a good time despite not being initially attracted. Give it a chance.

The Power of Suggestion

This experiment was based on the idea that we’re attracted to people because we think we should be, because someone told us it was a good idea, i.e. when online dating sites bring up ‘our matches.’

‘We took pairs of bad matches (actual 30% match) and told them they were exceptionally good for each other (displaying a 90% match)’

The results found that users sent more first messages when they said they were compatible, and after further analysis they found that these pairs went on to quite like each other.

What does this mean for us?

Match results are a good place to start in the online dating world. It whittles down your options to your own specifications, which on a site where there are thousands of singles is a great thing for efficiency. But don’t be scared to pick a wild card. Chat to someone who isn’t your type at all – because opposites attract and all that!

So there we have it, OKCupid have been honest about their actions and the results have been a little helpful (even if the methods are a little controversial).

With all of the above in mind, we’d sum up by saying, be open-minded. Use online dating as a way to meet interesting people who you otherwise wouldn’t. Along the way you might find a date or something more serious (and remember, 1 in 4 couples now meet online, so the odds are in your favour!)

Flirtify, Let’s Get Together.

09:00