Mindfulness & Romance

Guest Blogger: Katy Miller

Last weekend, my boyfriend and I visited the Pure LandMeditation Centre & Japanese Gardens. It had been recommended to us; the gardens are meant to be incredibly beautifully (as featured in ‘The Most Amazing Gardens to Visit in Britain – Readers Digest), and the atmosphere really serene.

And it really was. As soon as you step into the gardens you would not believe that you were just on the outskirts of Nottingham. Perfectly placed are evergreens, maples, ponds and plants all surrounded by stepping stones, bridges, stone lanterns and other such lovely things! There’s even a crystal garden – we all had a few of the little gem stones you’d buy in alternative shops but this is just on a whole other level. A whole landscape made of these glittering stones!

Anyway, the visit got me thinking. As meditation and mindfulness become a more popular means of dealing with everyday stresses and anxiety, it would be interesting to know the effect it has on relationships…

What is Mindfulness?

Mindfulness is both a form of therapy used to treat people who suffer from anxiety AND a way of thinking that many people are now adopting to help lead a better life. Good old Google gives a good description:

“A mental state achieved by focusing one’s awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one’s feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations, used as a therapeutic technique.”

It’s basically a way of teaching you how to live in the present moment, and not have your judgements skewed by past experiences. They say that if you’re able to ‘observe’ your emotions as opposed to letting them rule your actions, making decisions and effectively dealing with your anger/sadness/frustration whatever it may be, will be less traumatic.

It’s pretty easy to learn about the techniques and easier to apply them to your daily routine. Just go into a bookshop, say ‘Mindfulness’ and they’ll know where to point you.

What does it mean for relationships?

Lisa Firestone, Author and Psychology Expert, wrote a fantastic article for Huffington Post ‘How Mindfulness Can Save YourRelationship.’ Don’t worry, it doesn’t read like a couples self-help guide, it’s more of a look at some of the benefits of this technique.

Firestone describes Mindfulness as ‘a means by which we can get to know our thoughts and stay connected to our feelings without falling victim to inappropriate, intense reactions based on unresolved issues from our past.’ Meaning that we won’t let our previous heartaches effect our judgement in our current relationships – allowing us to respond to frustrations in a constructive way. This would no doubt be a useful skill to have…

If we could each, individually manage our emotions in a healthier way (i.e. not throw our phones at a wall if he/she sends a particularly annoying text or cry hysterically when he replies to ‘how do I look’ with the indifferent ‘fine’), then how much better would that make our relationships?!

So get to that bookshop!

Flirtify, Let’s Get Together.